On Why Freedom Matters

As Americans, it's easy for us to take our freedom for granted.

Have you ever seen a movie, watched a play, listened to a piece of music, read something, heard someone speak, witnessed an event, or had an experience that made you think in a different way than you ever have before?  Something that changed who you were, even if only in a very small way? 

As human beings, we define ourselves by our experiences and our relationships.  “I am like this.  I am not like that.  This is how I feel.  This is what I think.  This is what I like.  This is what I don’t like.  I agree with this.  I disagree with that.”  Our personal identities are inextricably tied to our ability to explore the world and to find our place in it.  In other words:  our freedom, or lack thereof. 

Have you ever considered what your life would be like if you didn’t have the freedoms you have today?  What if you didn’t have the freedom to say what you wanted to say or to listen to others say what they wanted to say?   What if you didn’t have the freedom to go where you wanted to go – to see or experience anything beyond your own narrow existence?  What if news just couldn’t talk about certain topics?  What if it were illegal to speak out against the church or the state?  What if you were told what you had to wear, what you would do for a living, or what religion you had to be?  What if you were forced at gunpoint at age 13 to join a militia that you didn’t support or believe in?  How would you even know who you truly are if you didn’t have the freedom to be whatever you wanted to be?

And by the way, if you're thinking that this is a conversation for 1776, not 2013, think again.  These restrictions on freedom are things that still happen in the world, right now – quite a bit of the world.

Freedom is how we know ourselves – by having the freedom to think and say and do what we want, and by others having the freedom to think and say and do what they want so that we can observe and compare and learn from their experience, as well as our own.  We only are who we are to the degree that we are free to be. 

Let’s remember that, and celebrate our Independence as individuals, as well as a nation.  

On Veterans' Freedom

John F. Kennedy said, “Freedom is indivisible, and when one man is enslaved, no man is free.”  If I could be permitted to paraphrase, all men and women deserve to be free.

That includes those who serve to defend freedom for the rest of us.

Unfortunately, you aren’t as free as you once were when you’re struggling with Post-Traumatic Stress, perhaps severe enough to lead to alcoholism, drug abuse, or suicidal thoughts; or when you’re discriminated against for admitting that you struggle with PTS, even if only on a minor level; or when your family and friends don’t recognize you anymore because you’re just a different person since returning from your deployment.  

You aren't as free as you once were when you've sustained wounds, lost limbs, or suffered Traumatic Brain Injury that diminishes your ability to do the things that you've always been able to do, or to live in the house that you worked hard to buy before your deployment, or go back to the job that you loved or always dreamed of doing after your service.

You aren't as free as you once were when you’re concerned about your family trying to survive with a single parent while you’re deployed overseas and your normal support network of family and friends is in another state; or when you’re struggling to provide for your family on an entry-level income.  

You aren't as free as you once were when you’re trying to transition out of the military and discovering that your skills don’t translate into the private sector; or that the private sector doesn’t value your training and experience.

And you aren't as free as you once were when you’ve lost a parent, a sibling, or a child to their military service, and you no longer feel like a member of the military community; or… the list goes on…

Everyone deserves to explore and express and enjoy their freedom; especially those who have fought the hardest and sacrificed the most to defend it for the rest of us.   In the military, nothing is a one-man show.  Everything requires teamwork – everyone doing their job as best they possibly can to support everyone else.  We – civilians – are part of that team.  We need to do our jobs of supporting those who serve so that they can do their jobs, and so that they can enjoy the same freedoms they’ve provided to us.

On Veterans Day

It occurs to me that, as we approach Veterans Day, we might take just a few minutes to think about what we observe on that day, and why we observe it. It seems that for many of us the calendar is filled with holidays that mean little more to us than a day off of work, or out of school, or perhaps the inconvenience that banks and post offices are closed for the day. Sadly, Veterans Day frequently falls in that category.

So what do we observe on Veterans Day, and why? The obvious answer seems to be, well, we observe Veterans and their service. It’s about them. And that is true. But I think that, more to the point, we observe what Veterans have given us. We observe the Freedom that they have provided each and every one of us through their service. Quite simply, we are free because of their service and sacrifices -- tens of millions of men and women serving in a thousand different ways, in hundreds of different places throughout the world, over 200+ years.  Veterans come in all shapes and sizes.  They might be a senior citizen, or a 22 year old.  More importantly, they might be your mother, father, brother, sister, grandparent, coworker, teammate, neighbor...  they are us, and we are them. 

Ask yourself this: Where would you be without your Freedom? Who would you be without your Freedom? In a very real way, Veterans Day is as much about us as it is about them. It’s about our Freedom to explore who, what, where, and how we want to be in this world, and then simply extending a heartfelt “thank you” to those who have provided that to us, day in and day out, for our entire lives.

We observe Veterans Day on November 11th every year because it also marks the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice that ended World War I – “the war to end all wars” – on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. Unfortunately, it did not end all wars. But we remember that day, and we call it Veterans Day as we also remember the service and sacrifices of those who have provided us with our Freedom, safety, and security – our ability to simply be. And in expressing our gratitude, we wish the same for them.

Guest Blog: Helping Military Members to Stay Healthy

Today's blog comes to us from Emily Walsh, Community Outreach Director for the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance.  Emily writes:

Our military members have strong shoulders, carrying great burdens every day as they willingly serve. They face stress and extreme conditions, putting themselves at risk of numerous health problems. However, service members can be proactive to remain as healthy as possible and loved ones can be a part of the effort. Family and friends want to feel like they can do their part. They can help by taking action to safeguard a military members health.

People may often overlook a service member's mental and emotional health, yet this is extremely important. There are many simple things that can be done to help a person on active duty to deal with mental strain. Friends and family need to be a support system, showing how much they care even when separated by time and distance. Regular care packages with notes, mementos, and reminders from home, can help to ground a person. Phone calls, video chats, and e-mails help to close the gap and lift the spirits. When the time of service is over, those who are stateside need to realize that our military members may need help upon their return. Having a listening ear, being patient, and setting up counseling services are essential. Taking a mental health screening is a good place to start. Members can be screened for depression and post traumatic stress disorder amongst other things using services like Military Pathways.

Many of the physical problems are easier to identify because we can see the symptoms and are able to head them off at the pass. But some are also as subtle as the mental health problems. If they experience a persistent, chronic cough that seems like a bad cold or respiratory infection, mesothelioma (What is Mesothelioma?) could be the problem. Have your soldier consult a doctor and discuss all the possible dangerous and harmful chemicals they may have been exposed to.  Make regular trips to see this doctor because the diseases and health problems caused by chemicals such as asbestos or Agent Orange, as well as the various pollutants that get released into the air from burn pits.

Service members should be dressed properly to suit the conditions. Family members can make sure to send packages with socks and underwear. Eating well is important also. Packages from home can include favorite snacks, protein bars, beef jerky, and other foods that will provide added energy to keep going. Gum will help to quench thirst in dry conditions. Vitamins and supplements can help to ward off illness. A first aid kit with pain reliever, cold medicine, and any necessary medication, can be on hand to take care of any minor issues that may arise.

Lets make our soldiers feel appreciated while they are away and once they arrive back home. Love, care, kindness and appreciation can go a long way in keeping our soldiers safe while away and making their transition back to civilian life a little bit easier. Lets never forget whose freedom they fight for. 

______________________________________

Thanks for the great tips and reminders, Emily!

On Never Forgetting

Forgive me follower, for I have sinned.  It has been five months since my last blog…

I tend to blog when the inspiration hits me.  And for whatever reason, the past five months have been busy with distractions and I haven’t been hit with any particular inspiration to share.  But it always happens eventually… and last night it did.

Back in the late 90’s and early 2000’s my wife and I loved the show Ally McBeal, and we recently rediscovered it on Netflix.  We’re currently in Season 5, and last night we watched an episode that aired around Christmas of Season 5.  This happened to be the first Christmas season after 9/11.

In this episode one of the partners in the law firm was trying a case wherein a mayor of a small town had decided to effectively “cancel Christmas” by not funding the typical town decorations, and not issuing any parade permits.  The story line was that the small town had had a rough year – a local plant had burned down, costing many of the townspeople their jobs and several firefighters had died in the fire.  The mayor determined that the town needed to mourn, and that it was not a time to be joyful and celebratory. 

This, along with another storyline in the episode, was clearly an analogy to 9/11, and it took me back to Christmas 2001.  I remember people debating whether we should be celebrating – whether it was appropriate, or whether it might be disrespectful to those who had lost so much. 

I remember feeling very determined not to let the terrorists win by destroying our spirit – by circumventing the desire to share our love for one another and to celebrate the season and our traditions, whether that be Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, Solstice...  whatever brings us together at that time of year.  And I remember finding a strange new interpretation of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas as we watched with new eyes, and saw that Christmas was about the love that we share for one another – not the presents, or the decorations, or the festivals.  And that the best way to observe that is to continue on with it even when it seems to have been taken away from us.

As John Cage, the attorney arguing the case, made his final arguments he talked about what a rough year it had been, and the firefighters who gave their lives for us, he said, “This is not a year for skipping Christmas.”  Tears streamed down my and my wife’s faces as we knew he was talking about 9/11 and not some fictional character in a fictional town. 

In Rob Thomas’ song “Little Wonders” he says:

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

 9/11, and the firsts that followed it – the first Thanksgiving, first Veteran’s Day, first Christmas, New Year... – were just such small hours.  And they still remain. 

We don’t have to live under the cloud of those moments 24/7/365 in order to honor those who died in the attacks or those who have served, suffered, and sacrificed since.  It's easy -- and ok -- to get caught up in our daily lives and to push those memories back into the attic storage of our minds.  But I hope that when those little reminders do appear as they did for my wife and me last night, that we’ll take the moment, just a moment, to connect with them, to say a prayer in whatever way we each do that, and to honor our promise to Never Forget.

On Inheriting the Wind

As I sat drinking coffee with my wife this morning, I was perusing Facebook and I came across two very interesting, opposing posts: 

First, I noticed a post with an image of Abraham Lincoln.  It quoted him as saying:

“America will never be destroyed from the outside.  If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.”

I then came across another post with an image of President Obama pointing off camera.  The quote read:

“See that guy over there holding my golf clubs?   There’s a job I created.” 

The subsequent comments to that post then got into a heated partisan political debate, with a lot of finger pointing as to whose fault our current political and economic climate is – the “libs” or conservatives; Presidents Clinton, Bush, and Obama; the Democrats or Republicans in Congress.  The vast majority of the debate was about bashing specific people or groups of people, not on the merits of any particular idea or legislation itself. 

I’ve said many times before that our campaign is not about politics, and I hold to that statement.  Having said that, that doesn’t mean that we never discuss politics in general, theoretical terms.  What it means is that we do not get into partisan political debates, we don’t choose sides, and we don’t place a value judgment on anyone’s right to their own opinion. 

After reading this debate on Facebook, I was reminded of the Abraham Lincoln quote I’d just read, and of a scene from one of my favorite movies, Inherit the Wind (1960; Spencer Tracy, Fredric March, Gene Kelly).  The movie is based on the Scopes Monkey Trial of 1925 wherein teacher John Scopes (Bert Cates in the movie) was charged with unlawfully teaching Darwin’s theory of evolution in a public school. 

There is a scene in the movie wherein Bert’s girlfriend Rachel, who had just testified in the case, goes to the prosecuting attorney Matthew Harrison Brady’s hotel to confront him for twisting her testimony in his favor.  She has a conversation with Brady’s wife, Sarah:

Rachel:  I want the whole world to know that Matthew Harrison Brady is a fake!  …If he could do such an evil thing then he must be an evil man.  And everything he stands for must be evil, too!

Sarah:  Oh, stop it, stop it!  Youth can be so pure.  What do you know of good or evil?  What do you understand of the sum of a man’s life?  …You see my husband as a saint – and he must be right in everything that he says and does.  And then you see him as a devil, and everything he says and does must be wrong.  Well, my husband’s neither a saint nor a devil.  He’s just a human being.  And he makes mistakes. 

Rachel:  How can you defend him?                                                                                                                                         

Sarah:  It’s not he I’m defending!  I’m defending the 40 years I’ve lived with this man and watched him carry the burdens of people like you.  If he’s been wrong at least he’s stood for something.  What do you stand for? 

Is this not the current state of our political climate?  People, dissatisfied with their own lives, wanting someone to blame?  Someone to point their finger at and say, “It’s HIS fault,” or “it’s THEIR fault”?  Not debating concepts, ideas, or legislation, but rather attacking the person or party presenting the idea and deciding that the idea is good or evil simply based on whether they see the person or party presenting it as “saint” or “devil”?  And if this increasingly polarized, partisan debate continues how will anyone, from any party, ever be able to get anything accomplished in Washington?  The polarized debate creates a climate where neither party can accomplish anything without the other stalling their efforts.  And thus, the accusations of “it’s the other sides fault” are a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

The title of the movie comes from the bible verse, Proverbs 11:29:  “He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind; and the fool shall be servant to the wise of heart.”

This polarized debate starts with us – with what we discuss amongst ourselves in restaurants, schools, churches, and even online, and what we choose to follow (and fund) in the media.  I’d like to encourage us all to be a little more “wise of heart”, and to learn to debate thoughts, ideas, and legislation as opposed to people and parties… lest we do as Lincoln cautioned us not to:  troubleth our own house, and inherit the wind. 

On "Home of the Brave"

I just finished watching the movie Home of the Brave (2006). What a powerful movie. So often in our want and need to check out from our daily lives we choose movies that are fantastical, or action-packed, to give us that escape or that adrenaline rush that we need to make us feel alive again. And there is certainly some of that in Home of the Brave; but there is also much more.

The movie chronicles the experience of four Soldiers returning from service in Iraq, and trying to transition back into their old lives. It was striking to me, and very telling, how many scenes in the movie reflect stories that I’ve heard from combat veterans – issues with getting proper benefits and treatment for injuries and wounds; feeling overly medicated to deal with post-traumatic stress and medical issues; struggling to deal with a world that seems so trivial and unimportant now; and one scene where being cut off by a random car in traffic brings out a combat-like reaction that is totally disproportionate to the situation. That scene was almost verbatim what I’d heard from a Soldier nearly three years ago.

There are certain phrases that we hear throughout our lives, some on almost a daily basis, that we eventually take for granted and don’t give much energy to anymore; “home of the brave” being one of them. We’ve all heard that so many times that we likely don’t give it much energy anymore; at least not as much energy as it is probably due. But what struck me in a very powerful way at the end of Home of the Brave was that perhaps that phrase isn’t limited to those who have bravely served in combat. That may be the most obvious, and perhaps most significant display of bravery that we can point to. But it is not the only example that exists, nor is it the only one that we need.

There is another bravery that we need right now, and that is from us – civilians. We need to be brave enough to support those who serve for us. We need to repay their bravery with ours. Now, you may be thinking, “What bravery is required of us? What can we do that is so ‘brave’?” The answer is we need to be brave enough to love and support those who need us, despite how challenging that might appear at times. Just as a Soldier displays bravery in helping a fallen comrade out of a hot zone and back to safety, we have a responsibility to help our Veterans and Service Members back to safety.

That means holding a space for them wherein they can safely make their transition back to the world without combat. It means holding our judgment of behaviors that appear out of the norm. It means allowing them the time and space to re-acclimate. It means respecting their experience and holding them in the highest esteem even when they appear to be at their weakest. It means acknowledging that we cannot possibly understand what they are thinking or feeling, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t try. It means offering understanding as best we can given our lack of direct experience, and not pitying them if they are struggling. And it means loving them when they are not being very loveable.

There is a scene in the movie in which Samuel L. Jackson is standing calm and controlled as another Soldier waves a pistol in his face. He is calm, partly because he knows that he must remain calm to diffuse the situation, and partly because he understands what the Soldier is going through. Brave. When these Service Members come home, it is our turn to be that brave. To stand calm, but supportive, with respect, and dignity, and compassion, and the most understanding that we can possibly offer, and to love them back to a place of safety just as they would for any fallen comrade, whatever that place of safety looks like for them.

That is how we as civilians can help earn the title, Home of the Brave.

Guest Blog: The Iraq War Is Over. Now What?

By Allison Mewes

After more than eight years in Iraq, U.S. troops have finally come home; the Afghan war is winding down as well. We can all breathe a sigh of relief once the remainder of our US troops are home. We can finally close the book, move on and put these wars behind us, right? Wrong.

When our soldiers come home, they need our support more than ever.

During combat, soldiers are assigned battle buddies. They watch each other’s back, support one another and are trained to live or die for their comrade. When soldiers come home and integrate back into civilian life, their battle buddy isn’t always there to look out for them or notice changes in their behavior. Of course soldier’s friends and families look after them once they’re home, but as civilians, we don’t always know the warning signs to look for to ensure a healthy reintegration. Since we can’t possibly understand what soldiers in combat situations have been through, how do we successfully help them adjust to life back at home?

Soldiers not only need to adapt back to our civilized world, but they need to reintegrate with their spouses, children, friends and families after long stretches of time apart—Reserve and Guardsman also adjust back to their 8-5 day jobs. These changes don’t necessarily come easy after long, combat deployments. Soldiers may be safely at home, but what they saw, experienced and lived through stays in their hearts and minds forever.

You may want to help and wonder what you can do to assist returning soldiers? There are many things you can do to support a soldier upon their return.

1. Look for PTSD symptoms – It has been reported by PsychOrg.com that upwards of 18% of returning soldiers they tested met the criteria for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). One of the most important things you can do is keep an eye out for PTSD symptoms which typically surface three months to years after a traumatic experience. The most common symptoms are;

§ Flashbacks and upsetting dreams – relieving the experience

§ Hyperarousal – always keyed up and on alert for something bad to happen and increased irritability, anger or trouble sleeping.

§ Avoidance of friends and family and emotional numbness – showing a lack of interest in things enjoyed before the war, hopelessness and memory problems.

If you know someone suffering from PTSD, there are many available resources that can help. Learn more about PTSD symptoms and what to watch for so you can be prepared to take action if you see a soldier struggling with symptoms.

2. Employ a soldier – NBC Nightly News recently reported that upwards of 20% of veterans are unemployed. Think about how you or your business could employ a veteran. A few programs currently running are; Hire a Hero allows you to post a resume and view employers online, The Veterans Job Bank is for job seekers and employers alike, and grass roots efforts such as a farm in California called Archie’s Acres. The farm is owned by a veteran Marine and they hire returning vets while encouraging them to nurture rather than destroy by working on a farm.

3. Don’t encourage bad behaviors – If your loved one came home drinking much more than they did when they left, don’t encourage this behavior by pouring them another drink and cheering them on. Drugs and alcohol are an escape mechanism soldiers may use to help “forget” the war and could be another sign of PTSD. If you notice your friend or family member is drinking or using drugs more heavily, tell them you notice and encourage them to see a doctor or talk to someone. Left untreated, the behavior and consequences will worsen.

If you feel like your loved one is acting differently, his/her behaviors seem to be spiraling out of control and you’re not sure what to do, there are resources available. Ask a chaplain, veteran’s center, MFLC (Military Family Life Consultant) or counselor for help. If they don’t have a PTSD program, they can direct you to the appropriate resources.

They say it takes a village to raise child. Well, it also takes a community to look out for the soldiers who have sacrificed so much for our freedoms. It’s the least we can do in return for all they’ve done for us.

Allison Mewes is a proud Army Wife, and author of Intro to Army Life, a guidebook for spouses, significant others, and families entering the military lifestyle for the first time. To learn more about her work, please check out: www.facebook.com/IntroToArmyLife

On "Hands" by Jewel

Every year around Christmas time there seems to be one song in our play list of over 900 holiday songs that stands out and holds extra meaning for me. It varies from year to year. This year, with so many of our troops returning from Iraq, the obvious choice seems to be Happy Christmas (War is Over) by John Lennon; and that song has been significant to us this year. But for some reason, the song that seems to hold even more meaning – that brings tears to my wife’s and my eyes every time we hear it – is Hands by Jewel. To be perfectly honest, after listening to it for weeks now, I still can’t say that I’m crystal clear on why it is so powerful for me this year. I have some ideas… Perhaps you can tell me:

in the end only kindness matters

if i could tell the world just one thing
it would be that we're all okay
and not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
i won't be made useless
i won't be idle with despair
i'll gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear

my hands are small, i know
but they're not yours,
they are my own
but they're not yours,
they are my own
and i am never broken

poverty stole your golden shoes
it didn't steal your laughter
and heartache came to visit me
but i knew it wasn't ever after
we will fight not out of spite
for someone must stand up for what's right

'cause where there's a man who has no voice
there ours shall go singing

my hands are small, i know
but they're not yours,
they are my own
but they're not yours,
they are my own
i am never broken

('cuz) in the end only kindness matters
in the end only kindness matters
i will get down on my knees, and i will pray

my hands are small, i know
but they're not yours,
they are my own
but they're not yours,
they are my own
and i am never broken
we are never broken

we are god's eyes
god's hands
we are god's eyes
we are reflections of god
(god's hands)
we are reflections of god
(we are god's eyes)
we are reflections of god

Now, if you’re not a religious person (as I am not), then please feel free to insert the word “universe”, “source energy”, “zero point field”, or even “each other” where you see the word “god” in this song – the point remains the same.

I’m starting to understand what this song means to me, and why it is so incredibly powerful.

What does it mean to you?

Guest Blog: Allison Mewes' Top 10 Things We Wish Nonmilitary Families Knew

Continuing our series on what military families wish civilians knew about military life, this week’s blog comes from Allison Mewes, a military wife and writer. Allison’s husband is a Sergeant in the Active Guard Reserve, currently serving in Iraq. Allison was kind enough to share an excerpt from her forthcoming book, Intro to Army Life: A handbook for spouses and significant others entering the Army lifestyle:

Before becoming a military spouse, I would tear up when watching the video montages of service members reuniting with their families after a deployment. But honestly, I have to admit my understanding of, and involvement with, the military lifestyle didn’t go much deeper than that. I didn’t know anyone who had served in the military, nor had I experienced the military lifestyle growing up. Now, being neck deep in military life, I realize it’s a big deal! Your life revolves around the military, and it can be tough, especially during deployments. If you love a soldier, there is no doubt that you’re nodding your head as you read this—you get it!

According to the 2010 Military Family Lifestyle Survey conducted by Blue Star Families, 92 percent of military family respondents felt that the general public did not truly understand or appreciate the sacrifices made by service members and their families. Now, we aren’t complaining about our military lifestyle. We have an enormous amount of pride for our soldiers and what they do, but civilian and military lifestyles are definitely different.

These are a few things I’d like nonmilitary families to know about the military lifestyle:

1. Your husband being gone for one to two weeks on a business trip is not comparable to my husband being deployed for three to 12 months in a combat zone. Unless your husband has been in a combat zone, and you have to worry about his life on a daily basis, you simply can’t understand.


2. It is hard to manage on your own when your spouse isn’t around. If your friend or family member is dealing with a deployment, he or she may act differently, as life stressors may drastically increase.


3. Acknowledging the struggles military families are going through, as well as being there as a source of support to listen and help, is extremely valued and appreciated.


4. Not many military spouses will ask for help, and they may be very reluctant to accept it. If you want to do something, don’t ask if they need anything—just do it! Military parents rarely get time alone; offer to babysit, and let your friend or family member have some “me time.”


5. Don’t take it personally if a military spouse or significant other leaves your party early or ends a call with you when his or her spouse calls from Basic Training or overseas. Contact with our soldiers is so limited that we’ll most often drop everything (a phone call, a social engagement, a favorite TV show) just to hear his or her voice and know they’re alright.


6. We don’t want to have a political debate over war just because our loved one serves in the military. We concentrate on the safety and well-being of our soldier, no matter what our political beliefs may be.


7. The smallest gestures sometimes mean the most. Just asking how our soldier is doing means a lot to us, and it helps to know that they haven’t been forgotten while they’re away. Someone once asked me, “What does your husband need, and where can I send it?” That was one of the nicest things I experienced while he was deployed.


8. Two weeks of leave seems like a long and short time to us during a deployment. It’s long since we haven’t seen our soldiers for anywhere from four to seven months, and it’s short because we know they’ll have to leave again soon so we have to cram one year into two weeks. It is hard to share our soldiers with everyone who wants to see them during the two weeks of the year they’re home. Please understand if we can’t fit everything in.


9. Coming home from a deployment is an extreme adjustment for our soldiers. Understand that your friend or family member may act differently for a while, until they reintegrate back into society. Also, help be on the lookout for PTSD symptoms, such as drinking or drug problems, shame, despair, anger and violence.


10. Some soldiers are career military men and women. They don’t necessary “get out” automatically after a deployment—their lives and careers are focused on serving our country. Now, that is something to be proud of!

Share your “What I Wish They Knew” tips and stories on Allison’s Intro to Army Life Facebook page: www.facebook.com/IntroToArmyLife

On The Love of a Veteran

I attended a ceremony at a local Veterans home this morning in observance of Veterans Day. As I sat in the audience listening to the presenters, I was struck by a couple of things.

First, I was struck by the fact that all of the presenters – every last one of them – were Veterans. The vast majority of the people in the audience were Veterans. As I looked around, it seemed as though this event was really about Veterans honoring each other, as opposed to us honoring them. Where were we?

Sheer numbers suggest that the audience should be filled with more civilians honoring Veterans than Veterans honoring each other. There are about 23 million living Veterans in the United States today, and a little over 2.6 million currently serving in some capacity. That’s 8.5% of our population. Where was the remaining 91.5% of us who have not served but live, and have lived our entire lives under the blanket of the freedom that these people have provided to us? I realize that it was a Friday, and many of “us” were at work. But Veterans work, too. If they can get there, why can’t we?

I suddenly remembered conversations I’d had with parents of teen-aged children about their relationships with their children. Conversations about how the child feels entitled to have the parent provide a roof over their head, clothes on their back, food in their stomach, the latest iPod, smart-phone, tickets to the concert, fees for their sports team, and rides and spending money in their pocket to go do… whatever it is that teenagers do. But the child can’t be bothered to spend time with the family, offer a hug, or tell their parents they love them. No, a simple “thank you,” or “I love you” is too much to ask of them.

I thought this is what it must feel like to be a Veteran. To have sacrificed years of your life; in many cases your mental and/or physical health; relationships; financial abundance… the list goes on and on… all in defense of people who don’t even appreciate it, and in some cases are completely indignant and disrespectful in return. And, like the parent who loves their child no matter how self-centered and unappreciative they are, the Veteran continues to serve regardless of how civilians respond; and in many cases even respects the civilian’s right to be disrespectful as an expression of the very freedom that they are defending.

I’m not a parent. And I’m not a Veteran. But I hope that I can love as deeply as they do; and that I can serve as unconditionally.

Thank you, Veterans, for showing me (again) what unconditional love looks like.

And thank you Mom and Dad (a Veteran). I love you.

Flags for Able Company

Today's post is a call for help: a forwarded email that I recieved from the First Sergeant of Able Company, serving in Afghanistan. Here's what he had to say:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have been making efforts to complete this project, I have finally asked my friend Barbara Walsh to advised me on who to contact concerning the possibility of having flags donated to Able Company, 1/26 Inf. As I have exhausted all Military avenues and am now looking to civilian assistance as Barbara as is State side I am hoping that perhaps we may accomplish this endeavor.

Let me introduce myself and my partner in crime, the First Sergeant of Able Company, 1/26 Inf. I (Christian L. Molitor) am the Border Operations Advisor to the Company Commander of Able Company and the First Sergeant (John Boxrucker) is the ranking NCO of Able Company. Able Company is stationed at Combat Out Post Terezayi in Khowst Province, Afghanistan. We have been at COP Terezayi since December 2010. Able Company will redeploy back to Fort Knox, and other US Bases some even in the San Antonio area the end of December 2011. I will remain at COP Terezayi until March 2012 to assist the new member and attachment personnel, a US Flag that has flown over COP Terezayi for 9 minutes 11 seconds. We will print up flag certificates stating that the flag was flown over COP Terezayi and include any and all persons, who assisted in donating flags or any other form of donation. I am purchasing the certificates, plexi-glass and wood to make the certificate holders. First Sergeant Boxrucker will make all the certificate holders when he gets back to Fort Knox. This endeavor will require 200 US Flags, the flag holders would be an added bonus but we could do without them if need be.

We are looking to do this so that these troops who have fought and survived a year at the Combat Out Post Terezayi one of the most let’s say there are no amenities for us. We are in one of the largest combat zones and we want to send these boys with a lifelong memorial to their service, to the camaraderie, to the tasks performed and the service of their country.

Timeline for the flags is mid November, so there is enough time to fly the flags and then pack them in one of the connex trailers being shipped back to Fort Knox. If the presentation boxes are possible, they could be shipped to Fort Knox anytime in January. All donors will receive a flag and certificate. I might be able to have either the First Sergeant or the Company Commander come to San Antonio to present the donors with the flag and certificate sometime in March or April after I return back to Texas.

I will be out of pocket for about three weeks starting around 29 Oct. Anything questions you have can be directed to First Sergeant Boxrucker at the following email address: [First Sergeant Boxrucker's contact information removed here -- if you're interested in sending flags, or contacting First Sergeant Boxrucker with questions, please email me at scott@gratitudecampaign.org and I will forward your request to First Sergeant Boxrucker].

Any assistance you could provide would be greatly appreciated by all the personnel of Able Company. This Company has lost two of their own during this deployment. One was 1st Lt. Frison, the Platoon Leader of Second Platoon, Able Company and the second was Specialist Elm of Headquarters Platoon. Lt. Frison was killed in Action last May and SPC Elm was Killed in Action last Friday.

I want to thank you in advance for your time and effort to assist John and me in this special project.

God Bless America
Sincerely
Chris

American Flags are available online through many outlets, including Target.com for $19 each. For less than $100, you could send 5 flags to Able Company. Check it out at http://www.target.com/p/United-States-Embroidered-Flag-3x5/-/A-11177216.

On All or Nothing

It seems like I’ve blogged about this before, although I can’t seem to find this exact phrase in my records. So perhaps it’s worth discussing again if only to take a slightly different approach to it.

Beneath some of the comments that I hear about supporting or not supporting those who serve, there seems to frequently be an “all or nothing” mentality. What I mean is that there seem to be a fair number of people out there who take the approach that they must agree with absolutely every aspect of military service if they’re going to show any support for those who serve – as though you’re only deserving of gratitude if you’ve always done everything “right”, and never done anything “wrong”. (“Right” and “wrong”, of course, being the eye of the beholder.) In my view, this is a philosophy that can only lead to dissatisfaction with everything, everywhere.

Where else in your life do you apply this kind of thinking? Do you leave a lover the first time you disagree? Do you disown a friend the first time they let you down? Do you leave your job the first time they don’t take your advice? Do you give up your kids for adoption they first time they break your rules? Of course not. If this kind of thinking made any sense at all we wouldn’t have laughed at Jerry on Seinfeld every time he broke up with a girl because she had “man hands” or was a “low talker”…

In life we surround ourselves with the people who are generally in alignment with who we see ourselves to be. In fact, some of our best friends and family may only have a handful of qualities that we truly admire and want to cultivate in ourselves. But if those qualities be powerful enough, a handful can be more than enough.

The vast, vast, vast majority of what our military service members do for us (and for others throughout the world) on a daily basis goes unnoticed, and unreported by the media. And, unfortunately, the more sensational, “newsworthy” things they do are frequently the most controversial. But that should not negate the majority of the service that they provide on a daily basis.

If there are aspects of what our military does that you don’t agree with, I would encourage you to speak out about those aspects – preferably to the people who can actually do something about them, like your Congressmen. Just don’t forget the rest of what they do – not the least of which is defending your right to speak out in the first place. And remember that the military is not one Soldier, or one Unit, and it is not one incident in one place at one time. It is two and a half million people currently serving in hundreds of places, in thousands of ways, and over 20 million living Veterans who came before them. There is so much to be grateful for in addition to be concerned about. All you have to do is look for it, and remember it the next time one of those sensational stories hits the airwaves.

And/both.

And/Both: On The Peace Sign - Part 3

If you’re one who feels that we’ve beat this whole Peace Sign issue to death and it’s time to move on, I get that. I feel that a bit myself. But as is often the case debating one issue can bring deeper more fundamental issues to the surface and those are worth discussing, as well. So stick with me here for just a moment as we take this opportunity to discuss one such issue…

One of the things that stood out to me when reading some of the comments about our last few blogs about the Peace sign was how many of those who opposed our use of the Peace sign seemed to completely ignore the idea behind the sign and why we had it on our site, and focused simply on the surface issue of whether or not it was offensive to a handful of Vets. [And let me be clear – I do not say “handful” to be flip. I watch our numbers fairly closely, and the number of Vets who have voiced opposition to the sign compared to those who have not had an issue with it is extremely small.] Several people argued that if the symbol offended any Vets at all we should pull it from our site – regardless of the purpose behind it. They offered no alternative solutions, no new ideas that would achieve the same result in a different package – just “scrap it”, intended message and all.

The irony is that this is exactly the kind of black and white, my way or the highway thinking that created the tension around the sign in the first place. The anti-war protestors of the Vietnam era wanted only one thing: bring the troops home, and let the chips fall where they may. They didn’t care what the ramifications were. They had no alternative solutions to offer government officials that would address their concerns about the spread of communism in Southeast Asia without war. All they cared about was ending the war, and thus they created conflict in their own house. Many feel that in doing so they undermined the war effort, aided our enemies, and thus endangered our service members. For some Vietnam Vets, that is what the Peace sign represents – not peace itself.

One of the key aspects of what we’re calling Responsible Peace is in shifting to an and/both mentality as opposed to an either/or mentality: the idea that we can support our Troops and support Peace. Being productive as opposed to destructive or divisive in this environment requires a willingness to see, acknowledge, and address others’ concerns in order to find compromise wherein they will be willing to address yours. Compromise often requires an ability and willingness to focus on the “what” that you really want – not the surface details, but what is at the root of what you really want -- and to open your mind to “how” you might get what you want in such a way that allows your “opponent” to get what they want, as well.

In this case, we realize that some Vets are offended by the Peace sign due to their own unique experiences with it. And, again, it is not our intention to be disrespectful or to offend those Vets. It is our intention – what we really want – to support those Vets and to do everything in our power to ensure that future service members do not have the same experience that Vietnam Vets did. And we can see no greater way to support a service member than to do what we can to prevent sending them into battle in the future.

Part of the “how” for us in communicating that message is in combining the power of the Peace symbol with our logo, communicating the duality of our message -- the idea of supporting Peace as a means of supporting those who serve. As with most things in life, there is a cost/benefit analysis here in that, while that symbol may carry some bad connotations for a small number of Vietnam Vets, for hundreds of millions of people the world over the Peace sign simply means Peace. We have made the conscious and deliberate choice to risk offending a few in order to connect with and engage the many. Ideally, we would prefer not to offend anyone – especially Vets. But it is a risk we are willing to take in order to propagate a new social paradigm. We hope that any Vietnam Vets who are offended by the sign itself will choose to focus on the intent behind the message, and not on the package it comes in – to allow us the concession of using a symbol that holds a different connotation for them than it does for us for the benefit of getting what we all want, which is to support, protect, and defend those who serve as they do for us.

If we could all apply this sort of thinking on a more global scale – respect, understanding of intent, compromise -- would we ever go to war again? Just something to think about…

On 9/11 + 10

Today I find myself searching for something profound to say. Something that will bring some solace on a day otherwise filled with grief and remembrance. I’m not sure why I feel responsible for that. The truth is that there is likely nothing that I can say that hasn’t been said, no words that I can offer that will change what was, and what has been since. And even if I could, I’m not sure that that would really serve anything. Sometimes, it is important and valuable to just sit with the grief, and not try to change it.

So I will say simply this: today is a day of remembrance. A day to remember those who have passed; both the innocent victims of a senseless crime, the heroes who died trying to save even more than they already had, and the heroes who have lost their lives to prevent more attacks from happening since or into the future.

It is also a day to remember and be incredibly grateful for those who survived and are still with us today.

I hope that everyone will take at least a few moments today to pray, meditate, grieve, think, just be silent - whatever label you want to put on it – for anyone and everyone touched by the events of 9/11; and if you were not personally touched by those events, to be grateful for that, and for those who serve to make sure that you are not touched by any such similar attacks now, or in the future.

If you were personally touched by the events of 9/11 – perhaps you lost a family member, a friend, a coworker, a fellow firefighter or police officer – I hope that you’ll take a moment today to close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Listen to silence. And in that moment, feel the subtle pressure on your chest of a warm embrace, and the moist sensation of tears on your shoulder from your fellow human beings sharing your grief today, and know that our hearts are with you.

On The Peace Sign - Part 2

Based on the feedback we’ve received to last week’s blog, it seems that there are some strong opinions out there about the Peace sign and its role on our web site. Some of the feedback has raised some interesting issues around the topic that I think are worth discussing in greater detail. So I am going to address some of those issues in some follow-up blogs in the coming weeks, beginning today.

First and foremost, I think that it’s important to point out what I probably should have included in the first blog on this topic, and that is that it is not, nor has it ever been our intention to try to change how Vietnam Veterans feel about their experience including how they feel about the Peace sign and what it represents to them. Their experience is their own, and we have no judgments about that. Our message, and our web site, is targeted primarily at civilians and encouraging them to express their gratitude to those who serve in their own way. The Gratitude Sign is just one way of expressing gratitude. There are many others.

With respect to the Peace sign and its role on our web site, I’ll keep this first follow-up relatively short and say simply this:

On U2’s 1988 album Rattle and Hum, Bono introduces the song Helter Skelter by saying, “This is a song that Charles Manson stole from the Beatles. We’re stealing it back.” What I hear in that is, “We’re not going to let Charles Manson twist the meaning of this song, or ruin this song and what it means to us. We’re going to embrace it, and focus our attention on the positive aspects of the message in the song, and make it ours.”

In the late 60’s and early 70’s anti-war protestors (not to be confused with Peace activists) stole the Peace sign, and twisted its meaning for many Vietnam Veterans. We’re stealing it back.

On The Peace Sign

I’ve received a couple of comments recently from Vietnam Vets who are offended by a feature on our web site. It’s a sort-of hidden feature, which many of you have probably not even seen: If you roll your curser over our logo in the upper left side of the page, it turns into a Peace sign. Seeing this, and hearing that it may offend some Vietnam Veterans might lead one to ask, “Why is it there? What does the Peace sign have to do with showing gratitude to those who serve? Why would it offend Veterans? And if it does offend some Veterans, why would you keep it there?” I felt like it was time to answer some of those questions. Addressing the issue in a somewhat chronological order, I’ll begin with why it offends some Veterans. So first, a little history:

What we have come to know as the international symbol for Peace actually started in 1958 as a symbol for Nuclear Disarmament – not necessarily “peace”, per se. The symbol was designed by a British designer and artist for a nuclear disarmament rally, and is based on the semaphore signals wherein two flags at 45 degree angles = “N”, and two flags vertically = “D”. The sign was later adopted by anti-war protesters of the Vietnam era. For many Veterans returning from Vietnam to a hostile and abusive public, the symbol became the sign for ungrateful, hypocritical, abusive and spoiled draft-dodgers who blamed the warrior for the war. Many Vietnam Vets refer to the symbol as “the footprint of the American Chicken.”

So why, if this symbol offends some Veterans, would we have it on our site? Well, first it is important to recognize that the meanings of symbols in our culture change and evolve over time and circumstance. The swastika, for instance, has been around for hundreds if not thousands of years. It can be found in Buddhism, Hinduism, and Jainism, as well as Greek, Roman, Celtic, Baltic, and Slavic cultures, and was generally used as a sign of good luck. It is only since Hitler adopted it as a symbol for the Nazi party in 1920 that much of the world has come to see it as a symbol for fascism and racial prejudice. Perhaps one day, with enough time and distance from WWII, its meaning will shift back to what it was for the majority of its history. That is our hope and expectation for the Peace symbol. While that symbol may hold some negative connotations for Vietnam Vets who were disrespected and mistreated upon their return from Vietnam, for the majority of the world, and especially for younger generations who do not remember Vietnam, it is a symbol for Peace (not to be confused with anti-war).

So what does that have to do with showing gratitude to those who serve? Let me ask you this: If we, as civilians, truly want to support those who serve, wouldn’t the most supportive thing be to do everything that we can to prevent the need to send them into battle? To avoid risking their lives as best we possibly can? Now, let me be clear here: I’m not talking about the “bring the troops home and let the chips fall where they may” approach of the anti-war protesters of the Vietnam era. I’m talking about civilians taking more personal responsibility for when, where, how, and why we send our troops into battle, and making different lifestyle choices that reduce the likelihood of going to war in the future. What those choices are, specifically, and how we can reduce the likelihood of war in the future without sacrificing our national interests and national security remains to be discovered. But it is a dialogue that we are opening up with the followers of our campaign, with government officials, and with academics and consultants. It is a dialogue whose time has come.

Generally speaking, and always with exception, those who have supported Peace in the past have not supported our Troops. And those who support our Troops typically have not been big supporters of Peace. Many see Peace as weakness – an unwillingness to fight for what is right. The truth is that we all want Peace. We just have different ways of achieving it. Some opt for the “turn the other cheek” approach, while others prefer to “walk softly and carry a big stick”. We are suggesting that we can support Peace because we support our Troops, and we don’t want to put their lives at risk frivolously or recklessly. We know that there are times and places when we must stand up and fight for what we as a society feel is right. We’d just like to see those times being fewer and farther between, until perhaps one day we will “fight no more forever.”

Forty years ago the Peace sign had mixed and somewhat contradictory connotations to it depending on an individual’s personal experiences with it. The sign is now experiencing resurgence in pop culture, appearing on t-shirts, shoe laces, jewelry, bumper stickers – pretty much anything that can be printed, stamped or forged – and it is generally viewed by most today as an international symbol for Peace. It is not, nor has it ever been our intention to offend or ignore those who served and suffered in Vietnam and upon their arrival home. Rather, it is our intention to encourage people to shift their thinking, to shift their awareness, and to consider serving those who serve by making the world a more peaceful place that does not require our service members to, as Douglas MacArthur put it, “…suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war.”

On "They/We Will Never Understand"

I’ve been working on thegratitudecampaign for nearly four years now. In that time I’ve the honor and privilege to have many conversations with those who serve and their family members about what serving is like, and what kinds of sacrifices they make on our behalf every day.

Part of my goal with this campaign is to bridge the gap between civilians and service members and their families. I’ve asked on several occasions, “What do you, as service members and military families, most wish that civilians understood about what military life is like?” The one comment, or phrase that seems to be uttered in nearly every response is, “Anyone who hasn’t served will never understand what it’s like.” I hear similar comments from the other side – civilians saying, “I can’t imagine what it is like.” After hearing this as many times as I have, I felt the need to address it – on both sides of the conversation (or lack thereof, as the case may be). So I have a request – or perhaps a challenge for people on both sides:

Try anyway.

For military members and their families: Try to explain what your life is like – what you’re going through, or have gone through. It’s not about asking for sympathy or pity. It’s simply about understanding. It’s about helping people to understand what they don’t currently see. And you’re absolutely right – anyone who hasn’t experienced what you’ve experience will not understand it on an intellectual or emotional level that is equal to your understanding. But a little understanding is better than no understanding. And they truly never will understand if nobody is willing to help them understand.

For civilians: Ask questions. Try to put yourself in their shoes (or boots, as the case may be). Try to picture yourself dealing with all of the stresses that military families deal with on a daily basis on your behalf. And show them the respect of acknowledging that you don’t completely understand, but that you’ll do the best that you can to identify with what they’re going through.

Gary Sinise, who has launched a foundation to support those who serve and their families, recently said in a press conference, “We can never do enough to support those who serve, but we can always do a little more.”

My personal friend, Master Sergeant Kevin Johnson, who appears in our video, would share with me his experiences in combat and in life since combat. For my part, I always prefaced my questions by saying, “Kevin, I haven’t been there and done that, so I have no way of truly understanding what you’ve been through. But I promise to try to the best of my ability. I won’t judge, pity, or presume to tell you how you should be dealing with what you’ve experienced. I will simply try to understand.”

For Kevin’s part, he would do his best to relate what he had experienced, knowing full well that that my imagination is not the same as his personal experience. He would say to me, “You’re not going to get what I’m about to tell you, but you need to understand it as best you can in order to do what you’re doing.” Not so amazingly, it was often the long silences between Kevin’s sentences that told me the most about what he had experienced.

Kevin died in November of last year from liver failure brought on by the heavy drinking he did to medicate his struggle with Post Traumatic Stress. If I were going to do anything to show respect for Kevin’s life, for his service and sacrifices on my behalf, it has to start with understanding who he was and what he experienced as best I can.

Knowledge is power. Understanding can change the world. Millions of people who don’t have AIDS or Cancer, who’ve never been beaten or abused, who’ve never lost their home in a flood or fire, or who’ve never been sold into slavery or the sex trade are doing powerful work every day to change those things so that those who have experienced them will find some peace, and so that fewer people will experience those things in the future. They were inspired to do so because someone who does have personal experience with those things told their story. And they listened, and tried to understand.

So please, tell your stories. Listen to others’ stories. That’s how we begin to change the world.